There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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