All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
