Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
