he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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