ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
