I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
