i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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