Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
