Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
