I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
