so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
too bad you live with your parents still
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
