I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
