I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
