ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
