ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
