I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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