Everything about him screamed your future.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Congratulations! We have a period
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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