I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
