considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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