we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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