my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
