whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
