I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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