Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
