just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
