there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
