dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
