Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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