I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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