I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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