Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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