Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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