Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
