I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
