Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
