I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
