So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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