i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
