I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
