i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
