i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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