I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
NoShamevember. You game?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
