His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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