I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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