this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just pee around me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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