She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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