his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
