he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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