i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
