its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So many bounce houses so little time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
