I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
