you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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