I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
