So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
